


Useful Fears.

by raktajinos



Category: The Blacklist (TV)
Genre: Character Study, Community: 40fandoms, Community: gameofcards, Episode Tag, Flash Fic, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-03-02
Updated: 2015-03-02
Packaged: 2018-03-15 23:01:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,001
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3465257
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/raktajinos/pseuds/raktajinos
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p><i>“You’re afraid, once you give it to me, you’ll be of no further use to me, and you’ll never see me again,” </i><br/>Yes, that was exactly what she was afraid of.</p><p>Episode tag to 2x13 'Deer Hunter'.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Useful Fears.

**Author's Note:**

> the best part of this show is the Red/Lizzie feels! Also, unbeta'd cause it was a flashfic. :)

_“You’re afraid, once you give it to me, you’ll be of no further use to me, and you’ll never see me again,”_

She kept repeating the words to herself over and over again in her mind, dwelling on them, over analyzing them, trying desperately _not_ to think about what they meant for her, instead trying to make herself believe that it was just another one of Reddington’s mind games. 

What did she care anyways. What did it matter to her if she saw him again, if she was any “use” to him after this; she always wanted to feel useful, but never used. Reddington had never made her feel used until a few weeks ago, despite the circumspect way she managed to get on this task force in the first place. It had felt like she could be useful to him in some undisclosed way, and she’d banked on that, but all it had been was that she needed to be used to get the damn Fulcrum. 

Oh, she wanted to know what the Fulcrum really was, _needed_ to know and she’d get it out of Reddington before she handed anything over to him. She was just doing her due diligence, can’t hand over something he so desperately wants without her knowing exactly what it was; it was a national security matter. 

Or that’s what she was trying to convince herself of. In reality she needed to lord that over him, hold back the thing he wanted so desperately until he told her all his secrets; she didn’t care if it did kill her, she wanted him to feel a sliver of how she felt. Plus, she needed to know why this thing was so damned important that her parents died for it, that she grew up an orphan because of it, that she was so ‘useful’ to Reddington because of it. “Be of use”, it almost made her laugh out loud at how ridiculous it was. 

_“You’ll never see me again,”_ Isn’t that what she wanted, what she’d been working towards - the day when she can finally arrest Reddington after getting through that damn list of his, the day when her life would return to normal. But what was normal for Elizabeth Keen these days anyway. What would remain of her life when he left it; a woman whose literal life was her job. And though she loathed to admit it, her life had gotten more… _interesting_ since Reddington came into the picture. He was always telling her that she had more of a predilection for danger than she let herself believe, and he was probably right about that. 

Which is what grated on her, when she got down to it, he was always right about everything. So maybe he was right about this too, that she’d miss him, that she’d come to … to… something. Missing implied caring and she _did not_ care for Raymond Reddington. 

Except that she did. 

Somewhere along the way she’d come to respect him, trust him, like him...and maybe even love him? 

When Braxton had had her memory cracked open, the horror that she couldn’t shake wasn’t the memories of her parent’s deaths, but the realization that she meant nothing to him. 

She was barely beginning to recognize that she cared for him, let alone begin to put a label on whatever messed up version of love it was .. and that he didn’t reciprocate. That he had injected himself into her life, taken it over, manipulated her, all for his own gain. He’d been charming, protective, respectful, and alluring, making her feel things for him and then all to pull the rug out from under. 

She felt like a fool. 

Even more so now, his words cutting into her because again, he was right. She would miss him. She’d gotten used to him being there, to him being the one person she knew could always protect her, to the comfort of him….to the sense of family he’d fostered with her. She would miss that. She’d also miss his sense of humour, his arrogance, and the excitement he brought to her life. 

She was so messed up. She felt embarrassed, stupid, and angry. Angry at herself for falling for it in the first place - and _again_ right after Tom, was she really that gullible? 

But angry at him. How _dare_ he do this to her, he didn’t need to, what possible advantage could have been gained from taking the con this far. She could logically see how gaining her trust and making her like him made sense, she _was_ more likely to give it to him because she liked him, but to go as far as he did….that was cruel. Like the way he called her “Lizzie” so affectionately, the way he seemed to move mountains to protect her, how he seemed genuinely interested in her opinions and life. 

He was an asshole. A criminal. A con-man. And he'd wormed his way into her affections and now confronted with the idea of losing him, she felt sick; the pangs of loss, of a sense of hopefulness that maybe, just maybe, he may love her back. That she meant something more to him than being useful. 

_“You’re afraid, once you give it to me, you’ll be of no further use to me, and you’ll never see me again,”_

Yes, that was exactly what she was afraid of. But she’d give him what he wanted, hand over that damn Fulcrum and let the chips fall where they may. If she never saw him again, well then that just proved what she’d always thought about him and she’d be better off in the long run. She’d survive. But if he didn’t leave, if he fought every fibre of who he was and stayed with her….she wouldn’t know what to do with that to be honest. But, she was going to hope for the best, despite all the evidence to the contrary. 

Because she needed to.

**Author's Note:**

> \- written for two comms; 40fandoms and also the warm/cold challenge at gameofcards (both on LJ). I went with the 'cold' prompt because it felt like the space between Liz and Red, that she has all these conflicting emotions towards him, many of them warm and fuzzy, but she's choosing to focus on the negative ones.


End file.
